


I Will Stay At Your Side

by Aurrus



Series: We are in this together [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of suicide attempt, depression (hinted)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 20:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5141888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurrus/pseuds/Aurrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is still at the odds with his newly acquired mortality, Tony still doesn’t have an answer to why the hell he cares so much, and their relationship is going to be anything but easy, but they both are determined to make it work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Stay At Your Side

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> A sequel to ’I’m Not Ready For You to Give Up’; huge thanks to lovely veronicos who not only provided a gorgeous art for this story, but also held my hand as I came to a sudden stop and fought with writer’s block, and all my loving to rubberbandgirlme who patiently listened to my whining about it and did everything to inspire me! <3 
> 
> This story gave me a lot of pain, came out completely different than I planned, longer than I expected, but in the end better than I thought. I hope you like it as well!
> 
> Generation_Loki, as I said - the second part is for you, I wouldn't have even thought of it if not for you <3

So, it was official. Well, not official-official, but anyway – Tony was taking Loki on a date, and said as much.

And Loki agreed.

And now Tony was kind of freaking out, because, well. He might have not thought it as through as he thought he did.

There was no doubt that he wanted this - it was, after all, the very reason he waited for Loki at his doorstep for two hours, but maybe inviting him for coffee straight away was not such a good idea; maybe he should have asked him out for a dinner at a later date, tonight, or, you know, next weekend--

“Stark,” Loki interrupted his frantic thoughts casually. “You do realize that I can almost hear you thinking?”

That gave Tony a pause and made him briefly wonder if he’d been speaking aloud this whole time, but Loki just smirked and shook his head, obviously correctly interpreting his stare.

“It was just a joke,” he said conversationally, not looking at Tony anymore as they walked. “Don’t think that I’m going to-- hold you to something just because you played along.”

His voice was carefully blank, but if Tony squinted, he might’ve caught a note of disappointment in it - or maybe it was just his imagination, because, ouch, as if he needed his anxiety to grow even more by thinking that maybe that was all it was for Loki - a joke. And he was a fool to--

Yeah, no. That’s not how it worked. No assumptions.

“Is it a joke to you?” Tony asked directly, speeding up a little to walk backwards ahead of Loki so he could watch his face. Loki merely lifted a brow, either because of his antics or because of the question, Tony wasn’t sure (and didn’t really care). “Because I meant it - it’s a date. And it hurts my pride that I have to spell it for you,” he grinned when he got an amused huff for his troubles.

“And we can’t have it, of course,” Loki rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched, forming a dry smile, and Tony counted it as a win. At least until Loki’s eyes turned wary. “Stark...”

“Tony,” he quickly interrupted and smiled brightly when Loki scowled at him. “We’re on a date. If it’s not a reason enough to call me by first name, then I don’t know what is. No, wait, I actually do, but I also believe that it’s considered polite to wait at least until the end of the date for it,” he wiggled his brows to Loki’s apparent irritation, but the former god seemed more amused than anything else.

It also so happened that constant ramble helped him to ease his nerves; he didn’t have time to think of all the possible ways he was going to fuck up when he was talking, so that was what he intended to do.

“Stark,” Loki repeated forcefully. The way his eyes glinted, however, supposed that he only did it to see Tony frown. “I... Won’t deny that had I... not been interested at all, I wouldn’t have agreed to accompany you here before making it clear,” he said slowly, his eyes darting away from Tony by the end of the sentence. When Tony opened his mouth to say something, Loki quickly raised his hand, interrupting him.

Tony has never been known for being tactful, but he knew the expression on Loki’s face - or maybe he knew the tone of his voice from all the times they talked on phone, but he knew it was his hint to shut up and listen.

And that he actually got that hint, cared enough to recognize and acknowledge it - well. Wasn’t it answer enough to whether or not pursuing anything more than friendship with Loki was a good idea.

“Now, a couple of years ago or so I might have done just that,” Loki continued as they neared the café. “But many things have changed in the past year, as have I,” he said softly. They paused just short of the entrance, as if going inside would mean crossing some invisible line between them. “Play pretend could be amusing, but I find myself reluctant to waste any more time on it.”

It was far from the first time since they met that Loki’s actions - or words - surprised Tony with the sheer... wrongness of them, being so uncharacteristic for Loki, or for what he thought of Loki, that it made him wonder if anything that he knew of his unlikely former god of a friend was actually true.

And though it would be, undeniably, hurtful for him to admit that he was wrong, Tony suspected that he would prefer it this way rather than Loki being still so much out of it.

Because a trickster admitting not wanting to be a trickster anymore? Yeah, that was just wrong.

“And here I hoped mocking me and keeping me on edge always second guessing the nature of our relationship might lift your spirits,” Tony joked, pushing Loki inside by the elbow. To hell with it. “Not that I’m complaining, you know. Always nice to know that the other party is interested.”

Loki hummed as they sat at the table and smirked behind his menu.

“Now I almost regret everything I’ve just said,” he sighed. “I wonder how many times you actually didn’t know whether or not your advances were welcomed.”

Tony barked a laugh at that, and when the waiter came to take their order ended up asking for a different coffee than the one he’d been thinking of.

Loki’s answering smirk, he decided, was worth the overly sweet creamy taste.

So maybe Loki hasn’t fully recovered yet - but maybe he never will, come to think of it; for what it’s worth, he could have accepted the changes, and Tony was fretting for naught. After all, it seemed that he hasn’t lost all of his mischief, which was, surprisingly enough, quite a relief.

And at least he stopped worrying about fucking it up.

~*~*~

As far as dates go, theirs was... adequate, Tony decided. At least it seemed that way; it was only awkward when he stopped to think of it as a date, and other than that it went... fine.

Far from the best date he had, but for a spontaneous, unplanned and unexpected date with a depressed former enemy god it was really okay. Better than it could be, anyway.

And Loki had a sweet tooth, it appeared - for whatever reason Tony found it absolutely adorable and did his best to spoil the god within the present circumstances.

He might have imagined it, but he thought Loki looked quite pleased with their date as well.

And now that he walked Loki home and was back in the safety of his tower, his anxiety returned doubled.

What was he thinking?!

More importantly, what the hell was he _doing?_

So far Loki managed to stay inconspicuous, if only because nobody seemed to make a connection between a bloodthirsty villain in the golden helmet and a lanky desolate guy who tended to stay at home more often than not (Tony suspected it might have had something to do with his unfortunate walk in the rain that ended with him falling ill for the first time in his life). Then again, the SHIELD did its best to keep the events in New York as low-key as it was possible, and not that many people had the chance to get a good look at Loki’s face, so there was that.

Tony, on the other hand? Now that he thought about it, it was a miracle that media hasn’t caught up on his visits to a certain area yet. Not that he visited Loki that often, but with the ubiquitous paparazzi wanting to know when and where he took a shit it _was_ surprising that any place he visited more than once hasn’t yet surfaced in the media.

Or has it? He probably would’ve known already if anyone saw him with Loki, if not from media, than from his PR office or Pepper screaming herself hoarse at him, but hey, there was always a chance that they missed something unimportant. Some ridiculous speculations that were, in fact, not so ridiculous; there could’ve been fansites dedicated to him and Loki for all he knew.

And as soon as the Iron Man has been seen with the said lanky desolate guy, surely people would realize who exactly Loki was. Or at least SHIELD would. As far as Tony was concerned, they still didn’t know that Loki resided on Earth now, and he was sure that Loki preferred if it stayed that way – hell, _he’d_ prefer if it stayed that way, if only to get them off his back, because whatever the outcome of such a realization would be, it sure as hell wouldn’t be pretty.

So the only logical course of action would be, of course, to stop doing… whatever Tony had been doing for these past months with Loki. Drop it with the _dating_ and even with the friendship, maybe call him to say that it was over and wish Loki best of luck with his still relatively new mortal life and politely excuse himself out of it for good.

Yeah. That was – that was the only sound thing to do. And somehow it made all the tension bleed out, because, well. Since when did Tony Stark let the logic lead the way?

Tony smiled and finally allowed himself to fall back into the familiar routine of recalibrating armor’s repulsors, humming under his breath to the tunes of Led Zeppelin blaring from dynamics in his workshop. Now, with his mind set, it was easier to think of… actual relationship with Loki instead of its possible consequences.

Of course, there was still a lot to panic about. He wasn’t exactly a relationship material; sure, there was Pepper, and then there were two months with some chick in college, but the latter had been mostly to piss Howard off (though now he couldn’t remember why his father hadn’t liked that particular girl for the life of him), and the former… Pepper was special, true, but special in a non-romantic way, and it had been a mistake when they decided to pursue something more. A nice mistake, but a mistake nonetheless – and to this day Tony was grateful that they managed to break it off without hurting each other too badly.

So, yeah, she was special. More than a friend – she was… family-special. In a way that his _real_ family had never been special to him.

But other than that? The closest Tony came to actual relationship was when he spent several nights with the same person and/or cared enough to remember their name the morning after.

This sure as hell wasn’t something that he wanted with Loki, and it… scared him, if Tony was to be completely honest with himself. Loki was already a friend, potentially someone _more_ than a friend, but…

_What_ , exactly, did he want from it?

Tony paused, the gauntlet torn open in front of him almost accusatorily as he thought.

He liked Loki – he already figured that much and came to terms with it, was _okay_ with it, at least enough to act on it instead of leaving things as they were. But maybe that was exactly his problem – the only way of action he knew led him to his conquest’s bed sooner or later, depending on his mood, and out of it the very next morning, and while he sure wanted to end up in _Loki’s_ bed eventually, it wasn’t the _only_ thing that he wanted from him. Even if Tony still had no idea what was it that he wanted.

He’d figure it out later, he decided, gleefully crunching the repulsor’s schematics with an air of determination just as another song filled the room.

He always did. He just worked like that.

~*~*~

The original plan was to smarm Loki with all the attention Tony could muster so he didn’t have any free time to mull over all the reasons it was a bad idea – as in, the reasons that Tony had already went through and brushed aside as insignificant.

Unfortunately, the said plan failed soundly with an early – ghastly so – morning call from no one other than Loki himself.

“It won’t work,” he insisted as soon as Tony picked up, still fumbling sleepily with the phone in a pitiful attempt to find out on which end the receiver was.

“Wha—of course it will,” he protested automatically, before his brain had the chance to caught up. It didn’t really matter, though; he was Tony fucking Stark, there was literally no way something of his wasn’t going to work, because, hello, a living genius—albeit a very sleepy one. “What are you talking about?” he conceded, rubbing at his eye and absolutely refusing to look at the time.

“Us,” Loki clarified with a sigh, and Tony blinked.

Oh. _That_.

“And why not, pray tell? And while you’re at it,” he yawned, laying back down and stretching over his bed, “What are you wearing?”

He could practically _hear_ Loki rolling his eyes.

“I suppose it would be better if you never find out. Farewell, Stark,” Loki added almost formally and hung up.

Tony sat up again, staring at his phone blankly and wondering if he had just had a nightmare.

Did Loki breaking up with him count as a nightmare?

Wait, was it a break-up if they only technically been together for a day or so?

He chanced a quick glance at the clock on bedside table and groaned.

Less than a day, then. In fact, less than twelve hours. Loki had probably stayed up all night worrying his pretty head about the same things and must have decided to call it a night only now – now being an hour and a half past the time Tony finally crawled out of his workshop and into his warm and cozy bed.

Warm, cozy and empty, because a certain someone ended things up before Tony even had a chance to bring him to the said bed.

Tony sighed up once more for a good measure and reluctantly got out. This called for a payback, and a phone call just wouldn’t suffice.

To his utter disappointment, Loki, while disgruntled and disheveled, appeared not to have been sleeping when he got to his apartment something over an hour later.

He seemed, however, startled and genuinely surprised to see Tony perched on his doorstep, so that counted as an almost win, Tony decided with a smug grin. Well. Second place or something like that, at least.

“So it was a t-shirt and sweetpants. Nice,” he deadpanned, shouldering Loki aside without waiting for an invitation to come in. It was probably better than possibly causing a scene or pestering Loki’s neighbors with his presence at five a.m. “And not at all that difficult to say, you know.”

“What are you doing here?” Loki said instead of a greeting, frowning and closing the door behind them. “I thought I made my point earlier; this won’t work. There is no need for you to be here.”

“Yeah, well,” Tony shrugged carelessly, wandering to Loki’s kitchen with Loki trailing behind, tense, but not protesting yet. “There’s no need for me to do many things that I enjoy doing, yet I still do them. I wanted to be here, so I came,” he looked through the cabinets in search of coffee and found none, and only then did he turn to look Loki in the eye again. “You know, it’s a bad taste to end things via the phone. Usually people have enough decency to say such things face to face.”

He tried to sound nonchalant and teasing, but his voice probably betrayed how he felt. Not exactly heartbroken, but… disappointed all the same.

And not even in a way rich people got frustrated when they couldn’t get something they decided they wanted – Tony was familiar with that kind of frustration, mostly because of Pepper cutting his antics short on more than one memorable occasions.

He knew he wasn’t going to pressure Loki into anything he didn’t feel like doing. He also knew that this realization made something in his stomach churn.

Whether Loki bought his cheerful act or not, Tony couldn’t discern from his expression – all Loki looked like was tired, exhausted even, and it suddenly made Tony feel guilty for coming to pester him about his own emotional turmoil.

The dark circles under his eyes didn’t exactly indicate that Loki’s reasoning came easily to him.

Or maybe Tony was looking too much into it _again_ , typically assuming that the world revolved around him and his problems and that Loki’s distress was caused by him.

Well. _That_ still might be true. Not as in, Loki’s feelings for Tony that he had to give up for whatever reason causing him distress, but more like having to deal with an insistent and stubborn man causing him grief.

Tony had to halt his thoughts at that before they had a chance to wander even further from the point and reminded himself that it was not how it worked.

Talking. If he wanted anything remotely close to a working relationship, it required actual talking about feelings and shit – or so every source on relationships said.

Not that he was, you know, looking into it or something.

“What do you want, Stark?” Loki asked him tiredly, oblivious to his inner hurricane of stray thoughts and emotions. He leaned onto the doorframe, folding his arms across his chest in a defensive gesture – with his dark bangs falling into his wary eyes as closed up as a person could get.

“You,” Tony said bluntly, allowing himself a small fond smile when Loki visibly startled at that confession. “I thought I’d made it clear already.”

For some reason, instead of snapping at him, like Tony expected, Loki actually relaxed – only a little, but that was a start – and let out a warm chuckle, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’m sure that could be arranged,” he drawled, and Tony shivered at the sensual tone he adopted. “If that was the case, why go to such a hardship to achieve it?”

“A hardsh—wait,” Tony threw up his hands just as Loki unfolded his arms and made a step in his direction. That made him pause and scowl; Tony ran his fingers through his hair, trying to think up of a way to phrase it. “The date was not a hardship,” he said softly at last. “The thing is, I don’t _only_ want to get in your pants – not that I don’t want to get into them, mind you, I mean, damn, your ass…”

“Stark,” Loki interrupted him with a growl, and this time it wasn’t a sexy growl – it was a ’get to the point or get thrown out of my apartment’ growl.

Tony could take a hint when he saw one.

“Okay, okay,” he said placatedly. “I guess what I’m saying is… I don’t want it to be a one-night stand. I don’t want us to be fuck buddies, either. I want…”

Loki looked at him expectantly; still tired, still wary and anxious, but at the very least willing to listen.

It was disbelief in his eyes that really got to Tony, though.

“I want more,” he admitted with a defeated sigh, both embarrassed and angry at himself for feeling his way at the same time. He was a grown ass man, why the hell was it so hard to say the words?

Another tiny and whimsical voice in his head inquired if it was really worth it when he could get literally anyone else to date him and be in the seventh heaven about it with as much as a glance and a wink.

He told that voice to go fuck itself. He could do it.

“What… exactly do you mean by it?” Loki wondered, clearly even more dubious now that Tony voiced his answer.

That was a valid question. And one Tony had yet to find an answer to.

Well, no time like present, right?

“I mean… Look, yeah, I like you. I’m not confessing my undying love or proposing,” at least not yet, he thought gleefully and barely managed to stifle a nervous giggle at that thought, “but I like you. And you told me you were interested as well, so.”

“It’s not an answer,” Loki huffed, finally moving from his spot on the kitchen floor to get the kettle going. Tony shifted from the counter he was leaning on previously to claim a more comfortably looking chair.

“Maybe not,” he reluctantly agreed and dropped his face to his hands, groaning. “It’s not like I’m a number one expert in healthy relationships, you know. I just… want you to stick around. Go on dates with you. Finally get you to answer me what you’re wearing when you wake me at such ghastly hours,” he grumbled, turning his head just enough to send Loki a playful glare.

“Your obsession with phone sex is beyond me,” Loki shook his head, but before he turned away to busy himself with the tea, Tony caught a hint of a smile on his lips. Or was that a scowl? “I wonder if that’s all you are actually able to withstand.”

“Ohhh, think of that often, do you?” Tony teased instead of taking an offence and gratefully accepted an offered tea. It was not the mug he remembered from his previous visits; it still wasn’t anything fancy, just a plain grey mug, but he took it as an indication that Loki was slowly warming up to the idea of making his living area more personal.

Loki wrinkled his nose funnily as he sat across from Tony, and seemed to want to reply something – something equally playful, judging by a small mischievous glint in his eyes – but instead shook his head and merely took a sip from his own mug.

“Nice as it was to hear you say all that,” he said eventually, breaking their companionate silence, “it doesn’t really change anything. This… thing between us, call it whatever you would like – would never work, Stark.”

Maybe it was the way he said it – softly and with a regret poorly hidden in his voice – or maybe it was the sun slowly rising outside, a sight that Tony was so unused to it felt almost magical – but it made Tony impulsively reach across the table and cover one of Loki’s hands with his own.

Loki jumped a little at unexpected touch, but didn’t pull his hand away. Tony gently stroked it with his thumb, humming under his breath.

“And why not?” he asked equally softly, not wanting to crush this tender atmosphere of an eerily early morning. “You know me; I’m a genius. Making things work is literally what I’m doing for living.”

“And here I thought your job was recklessly risking your life in order to protect innocents and gain fame,” Loki joked weakly, rubbing at his face with his free hand.

“That, too,” Tony agreed easily. “You see? I’m a man of many talents.”

He squeezed Loki’s fingers slightly when Loki hesitated to answer, and the god visibly deflated.

“I’m broken,” he finally managed. It wasn’t a whisper or a sad little revelation, though – he was simply stating a fact, a fact that didn’t please him in the slightest, as one could guess from his scowl, and that, more than a probable break-up ever could, made Tony’s heart break a little. “I have been rendered mortal, and couldn’t even accept it as a proper punishment. Couldn’t face it proudly. You… saw the mess I was.”

_And still am,_ was left unsaid and hung heavily in the air.

“I’m also good with fixing broken things,” Tony declared with a cheerfulness he didn’t feel. “You know, the whole point of making things work and all, in case you missed it the first time.”

Loki rolled his eyes and finally pulled his hand free, reclining in his chair and observing Tony with his eyes half-lidded.

“Your arrogance…” he started, but cut himself off.

Tony smiled innocently, but quickly changed his expression for something more serious.

“Listen, I can respect a no, believe it or not. All I’m asking for is…” he hesitated, drumming his fingers on tabletop. “A reason, I think. You don’t make it sound like it’s a no, so. You asked me why I wanted to give it a try, and I explained,” which was probably the absolute most he’s spoken about feeling for years, “Now I’m asking you why you _don’t_ want to give it a try.”

“You sound like a petulant child,” Loki sneered, but relented, turning his head slightly to look at the street through the window.

“And an utter asshole for asking you to justify denying me, yes,” Tony nodded solemnly. There was no point denying the truth, after all – it _did_ come off asshole-ish, even though it wasn’t the way he meant it.

But Loki didn’t look like he was refusing Tony’s advances or wasn’t enjoying the attention; rather, he looked somewhat forlorn and unhappy with his own decision. The fact that he had yet to throw Tony out of his house was also telling.

So, naturally, Tony had to know what was going on.

“I explained it already,” Loki repeated, sounding dull and bored. “It… would not do any good to either of us. I am, as far as I know, still a wanted criminal in this world; you are a hero, one of those who would be assigned to take me down, should I pose a new threat. Imagine the scandal our… relationship would make,” he spat out the word as if it were poisonous and let out a dry chuckle. “Outrageous! Fraternizing with the enemy! What would people say?”

“I don’t care,” Tony stated firmly, and that made Loki finally turn away from whatever captured his attention from behind the window and curiously lift an eyebrow at him. “It’s not like I didn’t contemplate all of this, you know? And I really don’t care. Believe me, there’s been some shit said about me, and this would hardly top the list.” It would, probably. Or come close second to his epic coming out as Iron Man, but that wasn’t the point. “So if it goes public…”

“If,” Loki interrupted him, and Tony bit his tongue.

Loki gave no indication whether he just said a wrong thing or a right thing, and if the careless phrasing has just significantly diminished his chances at any relationship with him or he was merely skeptical that such a thing could stay private between them.

“Well,” Tony stuttered a little. “I mean, sure, it’s bound to happen sooner or later, but also there’s a chance that nobody would actually recognize you. You have changed,” he added hastily when Loki looked, of all things, offended at the prospect of not being recognized. “A lot. Also it’s a fairly good chance considering nobody has run screaming to inform SHIELD about you being here.”

“A girl has once asked me for an autograph,” Loki bit out, puffing his chest slightly with a small, but definitely satisfied smirk playing on his lips.

Tony narrowed his eyes.

“Did she know your name?”

Loki deflated and pursued his lips. Tony probably shouldn’t have found it adorable, but he did.

“No.”

“I thought not,” he nodded and chuckled. New York was full of celebrities, and chances of running into someone famous were high, but running into someone mistaking any attractive person for a celebrity were higher. He knew the frustration of confrontations with someone else’s fans, though. “Don’t worry. It’s probably for the best.”

“I know,” Loki replied bitterly, and oops. _That_ was totally a wrong thing to say.

Loki may have recovered since their first meeting, but… yeah. He was still broken, and it still showed.

Not beyond repair, though, and definitely not something Tony couldn’t work with.

“Look at it this way,” he began brightly, hoping to cheer Loki up. “SHIELD probably knows about you, anyway. If not by their own ways, than by tracking me here. Creepy bastards. And they have done nothing about it so far.”

“So I am to be soothed by the fact that not even your agency considers me a threat any longer? How delightful,” Loki scowled. Before Tony could start losing his patience, though, he dropped his eyes to his lap and continued. “Nothing of it really matters, Stark. My own safety was the last thing I considered when I was thinking about…” he waved his hand vaguely between them, “us. I know that you’re stubborn enough not to let it dissuade you; had the matter arisen, you would have stood your ground not to let anyone take what you want from you.”

Tony smiled at that, but it didn’t reach his eyes. The answer was as surprising as it was predictable – Loki still couldn’t care less about his new mortal life, even if he picked less destructive ways to not care about it now, to Tony’s relief.

Really, it shouldn’t have surprised Tony to hear that his own safety wasn’t amongst his worries.

“Then what is it?” he asked softly, and abruptly, Loki stood up, nailing him down with a hard stare.

“It’s you,” he stated in a voice of a man who was clearly fed up with this impromptu interrogation. “A true hero of this realm. You… deserve better, Stark,” he grit out through his teeth, and Tony could almost feel his jaw dropping at the admission. “Thank you ever so much for making me spell if for you; I realize that I’m particularly worthless now, but stating the obvious doesn’t make it any easier to accept. Now will you _please_ be so kind as to leave my apartment?”

“It depends,” Tony shot back as soon as he could find words again, slowly rising to his feet. “Will you let me decide for myself what I deserve?”

Loki set his jaw and merely pointed at the direction of his outer door.

“What a night,” Tony breathed out slowly once he was on the street, running his fingers through his hair and glancing at what he hoped was Loki’s window. “What a fucking night.”

~*~*~

Perhaps, Tony thought, he really was an asshole that couldn’t take no for an answer. It was simple as that, wasn’t it? Whatever reason Loki had to do so – misplaced as it was – he still said no, and that was it. Tony should have let it go, perhaps retreat to the safety of their weird friendship or leave Loki’s life for good – he was no therapist, but he suspected that with him being an Avenger, a constant reminder of the past that Loki had lost, Loki might feel… inadequate.

Which, honestly, was just fucking sad. Tony couldn’t stand seeing people – gods, whatever – breaking apart in front of him, and perhaps he felt somewhat guilty for that or just still couldn’t embrace the idea of Loki, the same Loki they fought against, becoming like that, but he had hard time letting it go.

What would become of Loki if Tony agreed to walk away now? Would he convince himself that he was better off this way, become a hermit that rarely ever leaves his apartment and after years of depression finally give in to the urge to end this pretense of life?

No, denial never led to anything good. Tony knew that from experience.

Still, with him being almost offended at first and then busy with company’s business, it took Tony almost two weeks before he decided that he wasn’t ready to give up on Loki, and then another week to mull over his best possible course of action.

He really should’ve known better than to think it would be simple like that.

Right as he was deciding between an over-the-top romantic date and a friendly visit with either a request of a shared walk or an offer of a movie-night, there was an urgent message from Fury – apparently, there was a Hydra’s attack, and he needed the Avengers to take care of it.

They did, found out that it was merely a distraction and spent the next two weeks investigating in futile attempts to prevent whatever it was that Hydra planned from happening.

That… didn’t go quite as well. They were not prepared for the resulting fight, and while they did manage to come out victorious, the evil defeated once again, it was not without the cost.

The next time Tony pried his eyes open, it was to the white ceiling, dull hum of the air conditioning system and annoying beeping of a heart monitor.

He squeezed his eyes shut once again and took a deep breath, swallowing back a frustrated groan. He _hated_ coming to in hospitals, and although the pain hasn’t registered yet, he knew it would come soon enough; right now, though, his mind was still fuzzy from sleep and more than likely a huge dose of painkillers flooding his blood, and Tony could barely feel his body. Like he was floating; perhaps if he kept his eyes closed, he’d never have to find out what he did to himself this time and how bad it was, and then he’d go back to sleep and when he wakes up, it will be fine again—

There was a sound of the door sliding open, a soft, unintelligible noise coming from the corridor before it slid closed behind whoever entered. Tony was tempted to keep pretending that he was out cold – it was a far better alternative than having to endure a lecture of how he should have been more careful – but he couldn’t recognize the soft steps that approached, and the curiosity got better of him.

That, and the smell of coffee that whiffed through the room.

Tony turned his head to the side and opened his eyes, a witty remark at the ready – and then blinked.

And blinked again.

His visitor noticed that he was awake and exhaled, sitting straighter on a plastic chair beside Tony’s bed.

Tony opened and closed his mouth and then squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds. When he opened them again, nothing changed.

“You’re…” he coughed, hating the feeling in his mouth, “not a hallucination.”

“Should I be?” Loki asked stiffly, but a corner of his mouth quirked up when Tony continued staring at him, bewildered. “Why, do you often have hallucinations that look like me, Stark?”

Tony chuckled and tried to sit up, leaning up on his elbows… elbow.

A short glance down his body let him know that one of his arms was in cast, which, damn.

He briefly wondered what other injuries he had and wasn’t yet aware of and what happened – he remembered the fight and the drones that attacked him in the air, but then… nothing.

It could wait; Tony was sure that sooner or later someone would enlighten him, but right now he had more pressing matter.

“What are you doing here?” he inquired, finally managing to sit up against the headboard. The dull ache was settling over his body as he became more aware of his limbs, but it was manageable for now.

Loki sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, which, Tony noticed absently, was shorter than the last time they have seen each other.

“It occurred to me,” Loki said slowly, not meeting his eyes, “That perhaps I was… too harsh during our last meeting.”

Whatever Tony had to say on the matter died on his lips.

It was his punishment for everything he did wrong, he thought miserably. At least in regards to Loki; _of course_ Loki would decide to have that conversation _now_ , when Tony had neither the strength nor any desire to ponder at it. There was… too much to consider still, and he was so not ready for it.

“I’d say I should thank you,” Loki continued, obviously taking Tony’s silence for an offer to go on, “for I probably wouldn’t have ever considered our… conversation in any other light than I did that night, had it not been for the footage of your epic fall,” he drawled. Oh. So _that’s_ what happened. “But then, it might give you a ridiculous idea that it’s a good remedy for all disagreements, and I’d be much more grateful if I’d never have to see you fall to a certain death again.”

Tony blinked, suddenly not so sure that Loki _wasn’t_ a hallucination, after all.

“Oh,” a grin slowly spread on his lips. “I didn’t know you cared.”

Loki rolled his eyes, exasperated.

“You did me… a great favor, Stark,” he said quietly, hands fidgeting in his lap. “Better, perhaps, than I deserved – but nonetheless, I… came to realize that I’m grateful to have you as a friend, and I don’t want to give it up.”

“I…” Tony swallowed, throat suddenly dry and surprisingly tight.

He didn’t know what to say. There was… too much and too little he could say all at once; that he didn’t want to pressure Loki into something Loki wasn’t ready for? That the thought of staying friends made him feel both warm inside – because _damn it,_ he didn’t even realize how he missed Loki – and bitter and defeated, because there goes the possibility of something more, and once again, _damn_ , no matter how much time he spent reflecting on it, he still was surprised that he wanted it so much?

Or simply that he missed him? Would it be too much?

No, but saying that if falling from the sky was what made Loki come to his senses, then Tony didn’t regret it, would be.

He finally settled for “I’m glad to see you,” said in a small voice, and from the way Loki nodded, it was probably the right choice in the end.

Tony had to swallow the rest of inappropriate jokes and how Loki obviously didn’t want to lose him, but it was worth it.

“Okay, I have to ask though, or the suspense will kill me – how did you get here?” he wondered cautiously instead, mostly to keep the conversation going. “No offence, but…”

The corner of Loki’s mouth quirked up.

“But there’s no way anyone would have let me in unless they knew who I am, and if they knew who I am – even less so?” He cocked an eyebrow and huffed. “Please, Stark. I may be a mortal now and bereft of magic, but I still have my ways. To suggest otherwise _is_ an offence,” he smirked.

“And what about the Avengers?” Tony blurted out. “Not worried that you might run into them? I mean, not that I expect them to be here all the time, but they usually kind of are, anyway…”

There was a weird look in Loki’s eyes – a stubborn, challenging look, almost as if he dared Tony to take back everything he had said the other night.

If there was one thing Tony hated, it was being predictable.

(Well, to be fair, he hated a lot of things, like waking up in a hospital with no recollections of what he’d done this time to get there in the first place, but it certainly was in the top ten).

He also really, really hated the idea of Loki getting hurt because of him, and for what Tony always had a vivid imagination, it was hard to predict how the Avengers were going to react if they found Loki in his private ward.

So they just kept staring at each other for a few tense moments, before Tony broke the silence with an unexpected coughing fit and Loki had to find him a glass of water.

“You are right,” he said blankly when Tony finished it and nodded his thanks. “I should probably leave; your friends are not supposed to be here until the morning, but I guess they would want to come as soon as they hear you’re awake.”

“Until the… wait,” Tony didn’t quite manage to grab Loki’s wrist, instead grasping his sleeve with his good hand, but it was enough for Loki to pause, although he didn’t turn back to face Tony. “I never said I wanted you to leave, did I? And if it’s night outside, well, I’d really rather you stayed.”

Loki hesitated, but took a deep breath and finally turned around, watching Tony with a carefully blank face.

Tony shrugged – as good as he could manage with one arm in a cast – and put a charming smile on his face.

“Look, if you don’t care, why should I? I don’t mind if they know you’re here,” he tried to explain. “Sure, I don’t want them to lock you up for just being _you,”_ Tony bit his tongue before he could say how they didn’t know what Loki had been up to because it wasn’t them spending time with him, getting to know him and eventually falling for him, and wow, didn’t it make his head spin – anyway, he didn’t want it to be about him when it was about Loki, and he didn’t want to sound as a jealous sod that he obviously was. “But I’m pretty sure they won’t resort to violence in hospital, which means I’ll have the chance to speak up, and if I have the chance to speak up, I’ll find a way to convince them…”

“You don’t mind if they know,” Loki interrupted him, sitting back down on his chair and reaching for the forgotten paper cup of coffee. There was something… odd in his voice that Tony couldn’t quite decipher, but he let it slide, obediently shutting up.

“Yeah,” he agreed. It took some resolve to make it sound genuine, but in the end it was true – while some part of him was almost protective of Loki, Tony knew it couldn’t continue this way, not if he wanted to pursue something more than they had for the past year. Not even necessarily a romantic relationship – but if he wanted a friendship that wasn’t some twisted, awkward thing, there was no way he could continue hiding Loki in the closet, was there? So perhaps it would be better this way; of course, it would take more than his word to convince them, but really, the only person he needed to convince was Pepper, and then it’d be as good as settled—

“It’s good,” Loki stated calmly, suddenly fascinated with the design of his cup. “Because they already know.”

“They _what now?!”_

~*~*~

“Well, it _was_ unexpected,” Pepper huffed an hour later, sitting on the edge of his bed and looking for all intents and purposes like she wasn’t woken in the middle of the night by a call from the hospital. Although it was entirely possible that she wasn’t – while she always nagged him about the importance of proper sleep hours, Tony knew for certain that she was prone to ignoring them in favor of her work as well.

He still felt somewhat guilty, though – the doctor that came to check up on him because his heart monitor indicated a sudden rapid increase in his heartbeat absolutely refused to postpone the call until morning, claiming that Miss Potts wanted to receive any news regarding his condition immediately, no matter the time of the day.

Tony was touched, really.

Although he had a suspicion that she was motivated by the need to be the first one to give him a lecture and not by actual concern of his health, but still.

“You could have at least told me,” she continued, poking him in chest with a manicured finger, and Tony slapped at her hand half-heartedly. “’Can’t I make new friends without your permission’, for god’s sake, Tony! I shouldn’t be surprised that you were talking about _Loki_ , of all the people, yet I still am,” she sighed and shook her head disapprovingly, frowning at the evil smile that Tony convinced Loki to draw on his cast (well, he asked him to draw something, and it was the best Loki came up with, obviously) as if it had somehow personally offended her.

“If I had told you, you would’ve said that I can’t make new friends without your permission,” Tony pouted, and Pepper pursued her lips, closing her eyes for a brief moment and massaging her temples.

“If I knew what you’ve been up to, I would have been more ready to deal with this mess,” she muttered. “Do you have _any_ idea what I had to go through while you were so conveniently out cold for the past two days?”

Tony winced and shook his head.

“He wouldn’t tell me anything,” he grumbled, scowling at the closed door. Loki left to the cafeteria when Pepper arrived, exchanging a tense, but not outright hostile greetings with her, to Tony’s amusement, and had yet to return; Tony was beginning to think that he wasn’t planning to. “Just said that the Avengers knew he was here, and then it was all ’Calm down, Stark’, ’I’m not helpless, Stark’, ’Please give him something to knock him out before I do it myself’, and then you got here.”

Pepper a small smile on her face, although it looked forced.

“He contacted Jarvis,” she said tightly. “I’m not sure how he knew that it would work, but it was… a good call. Then Jarvis contacted me – just as I’m sitting here, waiting for the news on your condition – and said that it was urgent. Turns out he requested a meeting with me,” she scoffed. “I had no idea who I was agreeing to meet with – Jarvis just said, and I quote, that it was ’Mr. Stark’s very special friend’,” that got Tony an arched eyebrow, and he focused on the hem of his blanket, refusing to comment on the phrasing. He had to have some words with his AI, that was for certain. “So I have no choice but meet a stranger… only it’s not a stranger, it’s Loki.”

“I’d kill to see the look on your face,” Tony joked weakly, and Pepper laughed nervously. “And what then? Did you call the Avengers?”

“No,” she admitted softly after a short pause. “I was tempted to, but then I… really looked at him, and… no.”

Tony’s eyes snapped back to her face. She didn’t look frustrated or accusing now, just thoughtful, staring at the distance and biting at her lower lip.

“He looked so… wrecked,” Pepper said quietly. “And determined. Almost surprised that I came alone; we talked, he explained me his… situation, and asked me to contact the Avengers so that they knew.”

“Why?” Tony blinked, trying to wrap his mind about it. “Why the fuck would he want that?”

“Funny thing,” Pepper retorted drily, “I asked him the same thing, and he said he wanted to come see you. And for that he needed the Avengers to know so that they didn’t raise a fuss.”

“Has his ways, my ass,” Tony muttered under his breath and frowned. “And all that in two days, without me stomping my leg or shouting at anyone, and he’s here, unsupervised, alone with unconscious me and not locked up in SHIELD’s prison cell? How is that even possible?”

“Is that how you planned to plead for his innocence?” Pepper wondered, both eyebrows raising high. “Well, good thing you were unconscious, then.”

“Pepper,” he whined, and she chuckled, the merciless woman that she was.

“They put a bracelet tracker on him,” she explained, giving up to his pleading eyes. “And there was Thor – I believe I don’t have to add anything here. He looked ready to declare a war with our world if anyone as much as looked funny Loki’s way.”

That… was surprisingly easy to imagine and explained a lot, Tony thought; he nodded slowly, storing the information and trying to picture the reactions on others’ faces.

“Oh, and also,” Pepper continued with another huff, “Jarvis made it very clear that you wouldn’t be pleased if they did anything to Loki, and that if they were to put him in prison, he wouldn’t stay there for long. I think it was heavily implied that he could easily break into any system and single-handedly arrange his escape,” the look on her face was a mix of amusement, curiosity and a hint of something akin to worry. “Can he really do it?”

That made Tony laugh. He’d be worried that his AI actually threatened people if he didn’t know whom he learned it from. Then again, it wasn’t even a threat – just a casual observation and a statement of the fact; it’s not like Jarvis was going to control weapons or anything.

“The real question is _would_ he have done it,” Tony smirked. Pepper scowled at him, and he offered her a bright smile which she totally didn’t buy.

“Well, he didn’t have to, in the end. It seems that between me, Thor and Jarvis we managed to convince the SHIELD and the rest of Avengers that if you trusted Loki enough to stay alone with him on multiple occasions before, and, more importantly, was unscathed after those occasions, then he could as well stay here, where we’d have the chance to watch him.”

“So you were on his side!” Tony beamed, and Pepper gave him a scolding look.

“You,” she poked him again, “are my boss. I may not approve or, god forbid, _like_ your decisions, but it’s my job to back them up first and hammer good sense into you later.”

“Have I ever told you that I love you?”

“That’s not going to help you,” Pepper brushed him off sternly. “But now that we’re at it… what’s going on between the two of you?” she narrowed his eyes, and Tony fidgeted in place.

“Nothing, I swear,” he said earnestly; by the look on his assistant’s face, she didn’t buy it, either. “Well… I asked him on a date, and then he kind of dumped me before it could become anything more than one awkward date?”

If glares could set on fire, there would’ve been a pile of ashes on his place.

~*~*~

As Loki said, the Avengers came to visit him in the morning. Tony was glad to see them all unharmed, if a bit bruised – Clint sported a purple black-eye and Natasha had a split lip – and pissed at him about the Loki situation.

It only took a single demand to be released from the hospital for them to fall back to their routine, forgetting about any grudges for a time-being and trying to reason with Tony that he should stay at least for a few more days.

Well, Bruce and Steve were reasoning with him (“It’s not a nothing if you were out for two days, Tony!”), Clint and Nat settled for insults and a subtle promise of violence if he tried to sneak out.

“Such a show of support,” Tony drawled, crossing his arms – okay, one arm – across his chest. “Much wow.”

“Well, you wouldn’t want to disappoint your boyfriend any further, would you?” Clint singsonged venomously, making both Tony and Thor frown.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Tony complained. “He’s my _friend_ , Barton, grow up.”

Clint huffed, but refrained from any more commentary after a look at Thor, who was shuffling in the corner of the room almost the whole time since they came and barely said two words, but kept sending curious looks Tony’s way.

Everybody else pointedly ignored them.

“This is… so complicated, Tony,” Steve sighed, rubbing at his face. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I always know what I am doing, Cap,” Tony rolled his eyes and immediately got an ironic look.

“Oh yes, you do,” Nat drawled sarcastically from his other side where she was sitting on the bed beside him, cross-legged, and drummed her fingers over his cast.

“Ow!” Tony sent her a nasty glare, to which she only grinned, and tried to move away. Bruce watched the exchange with a tiniest smile, and Tony pouted at him for not interfering.

“Fury wants to talk to you once you get out,” Steve continued, and it was enough to stop Tony from complaining about having to stay when Bruce could monitor his health at the tower.

Eventually they left him to rest, promising to drop by again soon to keep him company; Tony wasn’t surprised when Thor stayed behind, however.

“Let me guess, you wanted to speak about Loki?”

“Yes,” Thor nodded grimly, sitting down on one of the chairs gingerly and locking his hands. “For what it’s worth, I… wanted to thank you, Tony.”

Tony blinked.

He was kind of expecting a shovel talk or an angry tirade for not having told Thor about his brother’s whereabouts sooner, but certainly not thanks.

“Erm… You’re welcome?” he offered cautiously; Thor managed a weak smile.

“For keeping an eye on Loki,” he clarified. “I knew the barest details of his sentence, but I knew not where he ended up and if he was still alive; I’m… glad he wasn’t alone all this time, and even more glad that it was you who kept him company.”

“Really?” Tony startled. “That’s… unexpected.”

“Why?” It was Thor’s turn to be surprised. “You’re a good friend – why wouldn’t I wish you to be such for my brother as well as for myself?”

Tony didn’t have anything to say to that, so he nodded thoughtfully, staring at the evil smiley face that was now joined by other faces in different colors – despite the animosity the rest of the Avengers seemed to agree that Loki set a fine theme for decorating his cast and made their additions in the similar fashion.

It almost, but not quite, made Tony tear up.

“Did what Barton said bear any truth, though?” Thor wondered after a brief hesitation, looking at him sideways.

So it seemed the shovel talk might still occur.

“What?” for a moment Tony seriously considered pretending that he had no idea what Thor was talking about, but really, there was no point – so he deflated a bit, burrowing further into his pillows. “About Loki being my boyfriend? No.”

And then, because he obviously had no sense of preservation or perhaps secretly thought that he deserved anything that might follow, he added: “He made it very clear that he’s not interested.”

Thor looked… surprised, once again, but not angry, as Tony expected – after all, it was clear that _he_ was interested from his words, and everyone knew how protective of his brother Thor could be.

“I admit, I came to the same conclusion as Barton did,” Thor said simply. “He seems… to care for you a lot, if he decided that being at your side was worth exposing himself to the SHIELD.”

That made something clench in Tony’s chest, but he decided to ignore it for the moment. He didn’t really want to think about what Loki did for him without Loki being present – he wanted answers, not speculations.

“Well,” he shrugged. “As I said, we’re just friends. Rest assured, your brother’s virtue is still intact.”

Thor finally laughed and relaxed, smiling broadly. It was infectious, and Tony found himself smiling back.

“And here I was afraid you’re going to promise me a painful death for debasing him,” Tony chuckled.

“I believe there’s hardly anything that could debase my brother,” Thor smirked, and then his expression grew more serious. “But if you hurt him… you do know what I’d do to you?”

“I can make a guess, yeah,” Tony muttered, and just like that, Thor was beaming at him again.

“Well, that settles it,” he said simply, standing up and slapping Tony on his good shoulder. “Take care, Tony. We all hope to see you well soon.”

~*~*~

If Tony hoped for answers, his hopes were in vain – Loki outright refused talking about the Avengers when he slipped into his room later that evening.

“But it’s not about the Avengers!” Tony exclaimed, flailing his one good arm in exasperation. “Look, I’ve been driving myself crazy thinking about everything, and I know I’ve been wrong, but still – the last time we met, you all but told me that you didn’t want to see me again, and yet here you are, willingly going to SHIELD because you wanted to see me – _why?!”_

“And here I thought that I could lose such an understanding friend who respected my decisions,” Loki spat back, eyes glaring daggers at him from where he was pacing the room. Tony felt a sharp pang of guilt, but Loki wasn’t finished. “I never said I didn’t want to see you, Stark – have you been not listening to me at all?”

Tony inhaled, staring at him for a moment. Loki groaned and ran his hands over his face.

“You weren’t,” he concluded. “Honestly, you’re asking me why I am here? I can’t tell you, because I have no idea myself!”

“I _was_ listening to you!” Tony protested hotly. “You told me to get out!”

And then, apparently, proceeded to look after him, even though Tony never called him back, and rushed to the hospital as soon as he could once he found that Tony was injured. Well, didn’t that make Tony feel like an asshole.

“I did,” Loki sighed, defeated, slumping on the chair. “And, as I already said, I… regretted it. Although I still believed it to be for the best until I saw you fall in the news coverage.”

There was nothing Tony could say to that – well, he could say a lot, but he knew he shouldn’t, so he kept silent.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, too, Tony,” Loki said quietly at last, resting his elbows on his knees, his head hung low. “More than you imagine, I believe, judging by your reaction. I can’t… offer you anything more – I’m not ready for that,” he bit his lip and looked at Tony, green eyes intense and unsure at the same time. “But I don’t want to lose your friendship, if it’s still on the offer.”

Tony wanted _more_ , sure enough – more than he probably should, and certainly more than he expected or came to terms with, but the thought of losing their tentative friendship just because it couldn’t be something else hurt more, he had to agree with Loki on that.

“Of course it is,” he reassured Loki and offered a small, genuine smile.

The relieved, tired smile he got in response made something in his stomach twist and his heart missed a beat; well.

As if he needed any more signs that he was well and truly fucked.

~*~*~

Perhaps Loki was still high on adrenaline from the confrontation with the Avengers and the SHIELD, or the absence of a threat, however vague it had been before, gave him a boost of confidence – or it was the reassurance that nothing had to change between him and Tony and he still got a friend of his own in the end set him at ease, but after that conversation he looked better than Tony could remember ever seeing him.

And the mischief was back.

“Have I ever told you that I used to be a god of chaos?” Loki mused as he helped Tony to sneak out of the hospital and to the nearest bus stop. “No wonder you’re so drawn to me; you’re chaos incarnated.”

“You mean, why _you_ are drawn to _me?_ ” Tony teased back. “You helped me get dressed! Don’t blame it all on me, it wasn’t just my idea.”

Loki snorted and shook his head.

“Impossible, Stark,” he stated, and then they were getting on the bus to get to the station where they could take a subway to Loki’s home.

It was… almost unnerving, seeing him flow into the daily life of any New-Yorker so naturally – Tony could see that he wasn’t exactly used to it – hell, Tony himself wasn’t used to the subway – but he wasn’t unaccustomed to it, either.

In a crowd, Loki looked perhaps like a tourist – or a person like Tony, who didn’t have to use public transport that often – but he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb as Thor was still prone to.

Thor lived in the same city, for roughly the same time, but he didn’t have to learn how to be a mortal.

It was… quite sad to witness, in all honesty. Loki was adapting to his new lifestyle by losing small bits and pieces of his previous life, and Tony might have been glad that he was managing and dealing with it so well, but he didn’t want Loki to lose himself; to know that it was inevitable – that it probably had already happened, since Loki couldn’t be a god or a sorcerer anymore – hurt.

“Your Avengers are going to think I kidnapped you,” Loki chuckled as they entered his apartment, closing the door behind them.

“Nah,” Tony toed off his sneakers and grinned. “They knew I was going to sneak out; I think they would’ve been more surprised if I didn’t.”

“You have a concussion, though,” Loki hummed thoughtfully, frowning softly. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have encouraged your escape, after all…”

“If it were that serious, Bruce would’ve let me come back to the tower so he could monitor me himself – he knows me, and he knew I wouldn’t stay there either way. I hate hospitals,” he confessed.

“So I figured,” Loki nodded solemnly and ushered him to the living room. “Sit down at least; I was informed you still need your rest.”

“Informed?” Tony arched an eyebrow, but obediently allowed Loki to lead him to the couch and push him down onto it. “How many people know about my ’escape’?”

“Only Miss Potts,” Loki reassured him. “And probably your doctor, but that depends on whether she told him or not.”

“Traitor,” Tony grumbled, tugging the neatly folded orange blanket from where it rested on the back of the couch into his lap. “You’re no fun.”

”I prefer my organs where they are, thank you very much,” Loki scoffed. “Besides, I owe her; there least I could do is save her an unnecessary trip to the hospital.”

Tony hummed and found himself agreeing with Loki. Sometimes Pepper could be a force of nature; no wonder Loki felt such apprehension.

“So! You have a movie? Or Netflix?” he asked merrily, clapping his hands and dropping the subject.

It turned out Loki didn’t have either, but he had dinner, a comfortable couch and some trashy late night show on TV, and before Tony knew it, he drifted off on his couch, tired more than he was willing to admit and lulled to sleep by the soothing noise of television and Loki’s surprisingly comforting presence.

~*~*~

The Avengers were not amused by his disappearing act overnight, but not exactly surprised or mad, just as Tony predicted.

Fury was the entirely different matter, but at least he waited until Happy brought Tony back to the tower later the next day before he started telling Tony off.

Needles to say, it was a nasty conversation, one that Steve had to put his foot forward to interrupt.

“So basically he’s mad that they didn’t know Loki was here for more than a year while I did,” Tony huffed indignantly.

“I think his reaction is understandable,” Steve pointed out, and Tony rolled his eyes, rubbing at his forehead.

“Seriously? And here I thought something like ’Oh, he’s been here for a year and behaved like any good-natured citizen, and you kept an eye on him, good job, Tony!’ would’ve been more appropriate,” Tony muttered. “Jerk.”

“I think it was more of a ’you met an extremely dangerous war criminal and hid this information, ave then proceeded regularly meeting him without letting anyone know, so now your trustworthiness is questionable’ kind of reaction. Oh, and also ’Your AI threatened me’.”

“Yes, Steve, thank you, despite the common opinion, I can listen,” Tony bit back. “But you didn’t lock him up, from what I gathered, so you must agree with me on his good behavior, and any further discussion is both hypocritical and meaningless.”

“You just said it yourself, Tony,” Steve snapped, clearly losing his patience. “A year! Probably more – a lot could change in a year; perhaps he’s stable enough now – although I wouldn’t believe him – but nobody knows how he had been a year ago.”

“I know,” Tony retorted hotly. “I was there – and question me ask you want, but I say he served his sentence.”

“Now,” Steve argued back. “Though it still remains to be seen – but how could you be sure then?”

“I was there, Steve,” Tony gritted through his teeth. “Believe me, I had my reasons.”

“We might’ve been more inclined to believe you if you voiced them!” Steve threw his hands up in exasperation, walking back and forth. Tony leaned back in his chair and narrowed his eyes, watching him.

Their reactions _were_ understandable – to be completely honest, Tony expected them to be much worse, but the memory of the chitauri attack was no longer fresh; the city have long since healed, and while it wasn’t forgotten, they had more pressing matters to deal with now rather than dwell on the past.

The Avengers were not going to welcome Loki with their arms spread wide open – not yet, anyway, perhaps not ever – but at least they were content with simply keeping him at an arm’s length, not trusting him for a second, but not demanding he was locked up either.

It was, Tony supposed, as good as it was going to get.

“What did you see, Tony?” Steve repeated, impatient. “You just said that you were there, that you saw him – I don’t want to think that we can’t trust _you,_ so there had to be something that made you do it. What was it?”

“You make it sound overdramatic,” Tony snorted. “I didn’t do anything, Steve – I just didn’t alert SHIELD about Loki, because there was no reason to.”

Steve was still glaring at him, a stubborn man that he was.

“It’s not my story to tell,” Tony warned him.

“It’s your duty as an Avenger to tell it!” Steve gave a frustrated sigh. “Thor told us what was Loki’s sentence, but even without his magic…”

“He’s what? Dangerous? How?” Tony groaned and desperately wished he could run away from this. “He’s not even a god anymore, Steve, he’s mortal, just like you or me – only without the super-strength or a suit!”

“And how would you know? Thor didn’t know about that part of his punishment, so he could be lying about it, for all we know--”

“I just know, Steve!”

“It’s not enough!” Steve pressed on. “It’s Loki we are talking about, he could easily fool you to get into your good graces – there’s no way to know for sure, and as I was saying, even without his magic he still is a god of lies--”

“I caught him when he jumped from the building!” Tony yelled as his own patience finally snapped, accompanied by a throbbing headache growing in the back of his scull. “Is that a reason enough to question his motives for you?!”

That seemed to shock Steve into silence at last. His mouth snapped shut, and he leaned on Tony’s desk, disbelief mixing with a surprise on his face.

“You did what?”

Tony slumped in his chair and ruffled his hair, taking a deep breath.

“I was patrolling the streets and saw him standing on the roof,” he said, voice surprisingly dull. “Of course I thought he was up to something and went to confront him. He… said it was his punishment and stepped over the edge.”

The memory of that night still haunted him sometimes; it resurfaced after his fight with Loki, but being reminded of something in the past somewhere in the back of his mind and reciting it aloud were two different things.

“So sue me, Steve, I didn’t let him kill himself – what was I supposed to do? Tell him good riddance and feel better that there’s one less person in the world? Well, forgive me for caring,” he finished bitterly.

There was a silence as Steve processed his words.

“What happened?” he asked quietly after a few moments.

“Well, he yelled at me, said that it was none of my business and then broke his wrist after he tried to hit me,” Tony recalled with a mirthless snort. “Are you going to tell me he did that on purpose, too? Trust me as someone who spars with Thor in the suit, then – I’m well aware of the strength our friendly neighbor gods possess, and I’m quite sure that if Loki wanted to hit me with the force he needed to break his arm, he would have punched a hole through me. Even you can leave dents in my suit – but there wasn’t a scratch,” he sighed again and let his head drop to his arm on the table. “And he wasn’t faking it, either – I saw the x-rays. He’s mortal, for good or for ill, and it nearly broke him; do you know what he had told me once he had calmed down somewhat?”

He turned his head to see Steve shake his head silently.

“He told me to bring him to SHIELD, because he thought that was why I didn’t let him die – that I wanted him to go through another sentence that wouldn’t allow him even that last bit of freedom, the control over his life.”

For once, Steve kept silent and didn’t comment, staring in front of himself with a deep frown on his face.

“So tell me,” Tony drawled mockingly when the silence stretched for too long. “Is this story for your liking? Does it satisfy your curiosity?”

“Tony…” Steve took a deep, shaky breath, and winced, turning away. “I’m sorry. You were right; it wasn’t your story to share, and it wasn’t fair to ask that of you. I’m glad you told me, though,” he added thoughtfully.

Tony shrugged and closed his eyes.

“It was unfair to Loki,” he said simply. “I don’t know him that well, but from what I gathered, I doubt he’d like anyone to know about… that.” Tony knew he wouldn’t, but again, it wasn’t about him, it was about Loki, and besides, there was no need for Steve to know his personal opinion or his issues. “As I said, I was there – he moved on, but…”

“I understand,” Steve nodded once and excused himself, leaving Tony in the silence of an empty conference hall.

Well. That could have certainly gone worse, Tony supposed; while he didn’t intend on telling anyone about that night, perhaps it was for the best in the end.

It most likely wasn’t enough to change his opinion about Loki straight away, but at least it made him reconsider his attitude, so Tony counted it as a win.

~*~*~

“How the hell did you deal with only one arm?” Tony whined some days later. “It’s a fucking disaster!”

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” Loki chuckled on the other end of the line. “It only takes a little to get used to.”

“But I don’t want to get used to it,” Tony complained miserably, glaring at his arm in a bright red sling. “Seriously, though - one would think in the age of superheroes and high technologies they could find a way to mend broken bones, you know, _faster_.”

“Ever so impatient,” Tony could hear Loki rolling his eyes, and he smiled, rolling away from his desk.

“I asked the doctors if they could replace the broken bone with a titanium one of I made it,” he confessed. “And they said they can’t do it! Can you imagine? Personally I think they just didn’t want to reattach muscles and sinews to it. Lazy asses.”

Loki choked and laughed; Tony grinned wider.

“You are being overdramatic, Stark,” he finally mused, but there was a smile in his voice.

“Am not,” Tony protested, opening a three-dimensional hologram of the newest model of his suit that he’d been working on before the accident. “I mean, I know it’s possible - I could’ve done the robot that did it myself if I had two working hands,” Tony grumbled. Dummy chirped inquiringly from his corner, and Tony grabbed a little rubber ball and threw it his way with a small smile.

Loki was silent for a few moments, but when he spine again, Tony could hear undisguised amusement in his voice.

“Are you planning on replacing your body with mechanical parts one piece at a time?” He wondered. “You are impossible, Stark.”

“I wasn’t, actually, but now that you mentioned it…” Tony drawled and snickered as Loki groaned.

He missed it, he realized. Talking to Loki has always been surprisingly easy, even back when it had been new, and now that Tony had nothing to distract him, he regretted those weeks spent without any sort of contact whatsoever.

All because he decided to be an immature prick and couldn’t make up his mind about the nature of their relationship.

It was easier now that everything more or less settled down and they finally were on the same page; that the Avengers and SHIELD knew also helped - there was no need to be discreet anymore, and Loki seemed… calmer, as well.

“I’m so bored,” Tony sighed, slumping in his chair dejectedly and flicking at the spinning hologram so that it spun faster. “There’s not that many things you can do with just one hand, it seems.”

“So I figured,” Loki hummed absently. “You’ve been… Especially talkative today. As long as you’re not asking me what I am wearing at the moment, though, I’m not worried about what use you managed to find for your good hand.”

That made Tony burst with laughter, which was how Steve found him, doubled over and with tears in his eyes.

“Tony?” he called hesitantly from the doorway; Tony straightened hastily, wiping his face.

“Shit, wait a second – I’m on phone, let me…”

“Good evening, Captain,” Loki said drily before Tony had a chance to turn off the speakerphone. Steve’s eyebrows shot up, but he didn’t bristle like Tony expected he might.

“You as well, Loki,” he replied politely. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“Well, what did you want?” Tony urged him; Loki only hummed something, seemingly content with the interruption – or probably thankful that he didn’t have to hear Tony’s comeback.

“I just wanted to retrieve you from your self-exile to the workshop,” Steve huffed, leaning on the wall. “We’re ordering a takeout and then watching a movie.”

“I believe it’s my time to say goodbyes,” Loki mused; Tony wanted to protest, but Steve got there first.

“You are welcome to join us if you wish, you know,” he said simply, making Tony take a double look at him and wonder if he heard correctly.

There was a pause on the other line, so he probably wasn’t the only one surprised.

“I… thank you for your kind offer,” Loki’s voice was tense and confused, and frankly, Tony could understand that. “But I’d… rather not, if that is alright with you.”

Steve didn’t look particularly heartbroken, but he did look genuinely upset – if Loki saw him now, he might’ve changed his mind, Tony thought. He knew the effect Captain’s America dropped face had on people.

“Well, another time, perhaps,” he smiled briefly and nodded to Tony as he turned to leave. “We’ll be waiting for you.”

They stayed silent for a few moments after Steve left, Tony absently playing with a screwdriver on his desk.

“Well,” he muttered finally. “That was… unexpected, to say the least – a good sort of unexpected, mind you, but still.”

“It was,” Loki agreed. After a short pause he added, the tension leaving his voice and giving way to amusement, “Now I almost regret not having taken the good Captain up on his offer – I would’ve loved to see the look on his face.”

Tony chuckled and shook his head fondly.

“Actually, I think that’s not a bad idea – you definitely should come over some time,” he grinned, leaning back and tapping the screwdriver on the cast. “If only to save me from boredom? Barton takes advantage of my injury and has made it his personal goal to kick my ass in every video game he can find,” Tony pursued his lips and dropped the screwdriver back on the desk. “Asshole. I could really use some other company.”

“Why, Stark,” Loki almost purred, “and you believe that I wouldn’t take advantage?”

“I believe you could scare the living shit out of Clint and kick _his_ ass for a change,” Tony bit back, making Loki laugh again.

He really liked he could make Loki laugh. As with many other things when it came to Loki, probably more than he should.

“Tony, I have never played videogames,” Loki huffed. “Although I have to admit, I find that idea strangely appealing – perhaps it’s the challenge of beating Barton without any skills,” he hummed. “Perhaps some other time, indeed.”

It wasn’t a no, Tony thought as he made his way to the common floor, smiling all the while. Natasha gave him a weird look, and Steve looked politely ignorant, but the others only greeted him with various amounts of cheer; he tried to imagine Loki there, among his friends, and felt a warmth bloom in his chest.

And the best part?                                                       

It was less impossible than it seemed only a few short weeks ago.

~*~*~

Because Tony was a mature, responsible adult person, he left it to Steve to break the possibility of Loki’s visit to others.

The others were… not so thrilled by the prospect of seeing Loki in the Avengers tower, but other than Clint, no one’s reaction was outright hostile. Thor was the most enthusiastic, even though he seemed a little detached lately, and Natasha was strangely unperturbed – Tony had no idea whether Steve told anyone else about Loki’s appearance in Tony’s life, but it seemed unlikely. The past was not forgotten, but left in the past; aside from Clint who still hasn’t got over having been mind-controlled, everyone moved on. Bruce was skeptical, but said that he firmly believed in second chances and was willing to give Loki a try.

Loki, however, didn’t share any of Tony’s enthusiasm, and after three weeks of excuses Tony started to suspect that the chances of getting him to visit weren’t any less improbable than they had been back when nobody knew Loki was back in New York.

“So is he coming or not?” Clint grunted as he hit the buttons on his controller repeatedly. “I’m tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Maybe he’s just waiting for you to believe that the danger has passed,” Tony snapped back, irritated. With only one hand there was no chance he could beat Clint in the shooter; he’d never been any good at it in the first place (compared to Clint, that is, but there was no shame in losing to an archer), but it’s always been a close call. “Like Jarvis is waiting until you start losing vigilance to take over all of the machines in the world, isn’t it right, buddy?”

“Har har,” Clint frowned and shot another bunch of enemies while Tony was struggling with one, his health bar dangerously low. “I don’t believe that bullshit anymore, Stark.”

“ _Very good, sir,”_ Jarvis replied sweetly from above. “ _There is no need for you to be afraid or worried because of me, I assure you.”_

The shudder that ran over Clint was too satisfying to watch. He sent a nasty glare at the ceiling.

“Assholes, you two,” he muttered. “The creation takes after its creator; why am I not surprised.”

Tony rolled his eyes and dropped his controller on the couch as the ’game over’ banner appeared over his avatar’s dead body on his part of the screen. Clint whooped, the grudge temporarily forgotten, and turned to face Tony fully.

“So!” he clapped his hands, at the same time cheerful and serious. Tony had no idea how he managed to do it, but he perfected it to a fault. “Loki. What’s the problem?”

“Excuse me?” Tony gaped at him, almost wishing he still had something in his hands that he could drop to the floor to accentuate his surprise better. “Did I hear you correctly? You want to talk about _Loki?”_

“Yes, Stark,” Clint rolled his eyes and moved to pinch him in the side – the move Tony could’ve blocked had his arm not been held in the sling over his chest still. At least Bruce said it would only take a couple of weeks more before they could take the cast off; thank god for small consolations. “Your thousand-years-old, murderous and treacherous criminal of a boyfriend which some of us know as Loki. I kind of thought you’d be inseparable since everybody knows about you two now anyway.”

Tony frowned and twisted to bat at his fingers with his good hand.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” he muttered. “I already told you; and you’re kind of… overestimated our friendship, it seems.”

“Right,” Clint drawled with a skeptic look on his face and leaned back, throwing his legs over the back of the couch. “Of course. You know that while we’re not exactly fond of the guy, it’s your business and we don’t have a problem with that, right? As in… we might have a problem that it’s _Loki_ , but…”

Tony stared at him for a few seconds until Clint trailed off, watching him expectantly.

“You really think I’m… what? Ashamed of admitting that I’m dating a guy?” he repeated slowly; when Clint shrugged, Tony groaned and let his head fall back, rubbing at his face. “Oh my god.”

“Is that what you call him in bed?”

“Barton!” Tony snapped, turning to look at his grinning friend sharply. The smile slowly slid away from Clint’s face. “He’s not my boyfriend – not for the lack of trying, though, and no, I’m not ashamed to admit it. Believe it or not, but I can have friends that I don’t fuck,” he said, not sure whether to be angry for a violation of his personal life or amused by the topic in general. “You, for example. If you had any sex dreams about me, it’s your problem and it doesn’t count.”

“I’ve always left place for doubt,” Clint shrugged. “Who knows, there always might’ve been some drunk sex neither of us remembered.”

Tony choked on air and all but rolled from the couch, taking a few steps back.

“You’re an idiot and a pervert,” he scoffed, lifting his chin and heading for the elevators. “And I need a break from y’all.”

“If you erase the table of records again, I’ll tell your boyfriend about sex we didn’t have!” Clint called back.

Tony shook his head, fishing for his phone in the pocket of his jeans once the elevator’s doors closed behind him.

~*~*~

“You won’t believe it, but even Barton expressed his concern that you won’t come,” Tony confessed with a grin as they sat at Loki’s kitchen table.

Loki rolled his eyes and traced the pattern on his mug.

“Perhaps that’s my plan,” he mused smoothly. “To make them all anxious for my visit to the point they’d be relieved when I finally come.”

“Well, it’s working,” Tony said simply. “I think by now Steve and Bruce are genuinely impatient to meet you.”

“Have you been advertising me, Stark?” Loki huffed, meeting his eyes. There was a spark of humor in his eyes, but also some uncertainty that Tony couldn’t quite explain. “What have you told them?”

“Nothing, I swear! I believe you could say that’s the best advertising on itself, though; the brain has to compensate for the lack of information somehow and all,” he played with the label of his teabag, scratching at the letters absently. “Is there… a problem?” he asked softly.

“What problem?” Loki blinked innocently, eyebrows rising high; when Tony looked up at him with a worried frown, however, his face fell, and he took a deep sigh.

“You never explained, you know,” he muttered quietly. “When you met me, and when you refused to leave me be – why? You’re a hero; why were you helping an enemy? I could’ve killed you.”

“Yeah, well,” Tony exhaled slowly, leaning back and watching Loki tense from the corner of his eye. “You _could_ have, but… you didn’t. In fact, you could’ve killed any of us – well, maybe except Bruce, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of here, honestly, I don’t think that there’s anything that could possibly kill the big guy, so… Why?”

He was avoiding the question, Tony knew – and by the look in Loki’s eyes he knew Loki probably also knew – and yet, maybe, just maybe, it was as good topic to start as any. Loki mentioned it first, after all; if Tony could answer why it didn’t matter that he had once been their enemy, maybe he could also explain why he decided to stick around.

To say the least, it wasn’t a conversation he’d been hoping for when he called Loki to ask if he could visit him since Loki refused to come over himself.

Loki hesitated before answering.

“I… didn’t intend to kill,” he said slowly, not meeting Tony’s eyes. Then he chuckled softly. “Come now, Stark, you’re supposed to be a genius; if I wanted to rule this world, why would I kill my future subjects?”

“Oh, I don’t know. To make an example of what would happen to those who wouldn’t submit?” Tony bit back, allowing a small grin dance on his lips. Loki smiled back; it came out weak and unconvincing, but at least he knew Tony didn’t mean it.

Then he sighed again, running his fingers through his hair.

“I never wanted to rule this world. I did, however, wanted to piss off Thor… and I wanted chitauri gone. The force behind them is something that I could never defeat alone, but I could make it pause, make a dent in its plans… and bring attention to it.”

If Tony thought that the evening was taking an unexpected turn, he was gravely mistaken; up until now it had been slow and predictable, even though he didn’t particularly enjoy the idea of discussing their feelings on everything.

But Loki talking about the invasion?

It’s been somewhat of an unofficially no-go territory for them, or so Tony thought; they had talked about… things, but never the Avengers business or anything related – it had almost seemed like they were two regular human beings and not a superhero and a former god. Then after the dramatic reveal they started talking about Avengers as well, though mostly it was Tony gossiping or complaining about his friends.

They discussed what was shown on TV or talked about easily enough, but their shared past?

Not so much.

Sometimes past had to stay in the past; he came to enjoy Loki’s company – to care for him – without any excuses for his deeds, so he never expected to get any kind of explanation.

Maybe Loki simply needed to let it out? It looked like he was right on his way to moving on completely; was it something that held him back?

“That was… one way to do it, I guess,” Tony replied cautiously, mind reeling. “If you wanted them gone, though, why fight us? We could’ve united our--”

“As you had said yourself back then,” Loki interrupted him, voice thick with irony, “I made a point of pissing off every single one of you, because I needed you as a team.”

“And you couldn’t have just warned us?” Tony exclaimed, a disbelieving frown slowly settling over his features. He didn’t want to fight, but what sort of an argument--

“Would you have listened?” Loki snapped back, and Tony shut his mouth, opting to listen further. “No, Stark; that’s the thing – had it been an invasion you had to fight, it would’ve wrought panic even amongst you, the ones who were supposed to be heroes, this world’s defenders. Each of you would’ve had your own ideas and insisted on fighting alone; no, you had to have someone specific to be mad at.”

Something clicked in Tony’s brain.

Invasion, Loki said. They only knew of it because of Thor; if Loki needed them to know – and he did always think that Loki had given in too easily for someone who didn’t want to get caught…

He remembered the question that prompted this conversation and what caused it. Is there a problem, he asked – a problem that prevented Loki from coming to the tower.

“Thor wasn’t supposed to be there, was he?” Tony asked softly, and the way Loki grimaced was an answer enough.

“No,” he whispered just as quietly, slumping a little. “He wasn’t.”

“So if he weren’t there…”

“I would have negotiated, of course,” Loki said bitterly. “The Other – had a leash on me, not unlike the one I had on Barton and other agents; but in your custody, amongst so many people, I wouldn’t have been easy to keep an eye on, and I could’ve slipped you all the information you needed.”

“And basically you would’ve saved the day,” Tony nodded, feeling his stomach twist in unpleasant knots. “But then big brother came to the rescue.”

“Yes,” Loki spat out, grimacing. “And once again, I’m the liar and the villain, and anything I could say in my defense is, of course, a lie. Who would believe Loki if Thor was there and saw it all with his own eyes. It couldn’t have been planned by me to be doomed; the only way the invasion was stopped and your world was saved was because Thor, son of Odin, was there.”

Tony shivered. So that was the whole story; the missing pieces that finally made everything make sense – everything that they have never questioned before or tried not to think about, everything that they believed to have been just… Loki and his tricks.

It was so much easier to simply think of him as a mad villain that they have never even considered there could’ve been other motives.

And now Loki was mortal – because of that, among other things.

It physically hurt to think about it.

“That force behind the chitauri you mentioned; have you told anyone about it?” Tony asked instead, hearing his own voice as if it was someone else speaking.

Loki scoffed.

“Believe it or not, I did. I tried to – even despite looking pathetic and pitiful, despite everyone thinking that I’m but making excuses to find my way out of punishment again – as if it ever worked before – and nobody listened!”

His voice croaked, and it was Tony’s turn to wince. Maybe he was being irrational; he most probably was, but something hot and ugly in his stomach demanded him to put on his newest suit and fly all the way to Asgard to punch some faces.

But some things just couldn’t be undone, right?

His throat felt tight, and his eyes were burning – he didn’t feel the need to cry, but it hardly made the feeling any less awful. Tony couldn’t turn time back and tell everyone of Loki’s plan; he couldn’t give Loki his powers or godliness back – he couldn’t even fly to Asgard despite that being at least technically possible in theory. And even if he could, the there was no way he’d get to punch anyone and live long enough to revel in his revenge.

He could, however, walk around the kitchen table and crouch beside Loki, who crumpled in his chair, head hung low and knuckles white with tension where he was clutching at the seat. He also could pat his hand awkwardly and watch him hiss in a gulp of air and slowly uncoil at that small touch.

“I’m sorry,” he said earnestly. “I’m really sorry it happened to you, and I’m sorry you had to give up so much because of it; I’m sorry you have to lose yourself, one piece at a time, to learn how to live with what you’ve already lost.”

Loki frowned, frustrated and almost hurt, and his fingers flexed reflectorily.

“I don’t need your pity, Stark—”

“I’m not pitying you,” Tony interrupted him hastily, shaking his head. Loki pursued his lips, but allowed him to go on. “It’s just – you asked why I was doing it, was… helping you?” He looked up at Loki, and Loki nodded confirmatively. “So. I’m saying… I’m really sorry,” Tony repeated softly and gently squeezed Loki’s hand. It slowly, uncertainly uncurled, and he turned it palm up, entwining their fingers; Tony looked at them for a moment before returning to his point. “But I didn’t see you as a martyr, you know? I saw you as a person of unbelievable willpower. Even when you… didn’t want to live anymore, you knew how to push yourself, how to keep moving. You said you were broken; trust me – I know broken things, and you are not one,” Tony smiled at Loki’s skeptical expression, but he didn’t move his hand, so Tony continued. “Though you could have been. I hadn’t even known what you’d been going through then, but I knew that no one should go through it alone – no one should go through it at all, in fact. And that if you, one of the strongest people I knew, broke… what hope would be there for the rest?”

Tony supposed that what he’d just said made little sense, but it made Loki smile – ironic smile, again, but a real one.

“So it was part pity, part curiosity,” he muttered, corner of his mouth quirking up. “And part your mechanic instincts taking the lead?”

If not for the light, albeit tired, tone, Tony could’ve argued that it wasn’t the case at all – but Loki was joking, and he couldn’t help but play along.

“You could say that, yeah,” he agreed with a tiny smile of his own.

When Loki promptly slid from the chair and into his lap, hugging him tightly and ignoring the way Tony’s casted arm must’ve been digging into his chest uncomfortably, Tony realized that there still were things that could surprise him this evening.

~*~*~

Loki, it turned out, was _extremely_ tactile once you were allowed to step into his private space. It must have been a tough combination – a tactile person that held everyone at an arm’s length – because once Tony broke the distance, he realized how starved for human contact Loki was, in fact.

It was sad that he was so good at hiding it; Tony was more than glad to act as an outlet for that, though.

Loki didn’t seem to mind, either.

He loved to touch, poke, press closer than necessary, curl against Tony when they watched television or just sat on the couch talking; he enjoyed running his slender fingers through Tony’s hair, either ruffling it or smoothing it depending on his mood. He liked being touched – when Tony hugged him, or held his hands, or stroked his hair and rubbed at that spot on the back of his neck that made Loki all but purr –

It all made Tony’s heart beat faster and harder, and his stomach to twist, but boy, was it worth the feelings-he-still-kind-of-didn’t-want-to-admit-related discomfort.

When a couple of months later Thor suddenly announced his departure to Asgard, Loki was finally given the opportunity to visit the tower without the prospect of meeting his brother –and this time, he took the opportunity gladly.

Despite the remaining animosity, even Clint stuck around for the night – if only to mock Tony, grinning lewdly at where he was sitting with Loki all but draped across his lap, and mouth ‘boyfriends’ when Loki’s back was turned.

The others, thankfully, didn’t seem to care. They’ve seen much more unbelievable things, after all.

“Tell me, Barton,” Loki drawled as the movie’s titles started playing on the screen. “Are you jealous?”

Clint choked on the remnants of popcorn he’s been shoving into his mouth and coughed until Natasha slapped him on the back – with more force than was probably necessary.

Tony choked a little as well, but made his best not to let it show. It wasn’t that hard – for the past months he’s become an expert at pokerface; otherwise he probably wouldn’t have been able to sit with a straight face with Loki tucked so close to him, his head resting on Tony’s shoulder and his arm curled around his waist.

He didn’t even have the heart to snap at Clint, because, well. It probably _did_ look like there was something more than friendship between him and Loki.

“Why would I be jealous?” Clint finally wheezed, incredulous.

“Oh, I don’t know; you’ve been shooting glances on Tony for the whole night. If you had any plans for him, you should’ve acted on them sooner; now might be too late,” Loki drawled playfully, and Tony could’ve imagined it, but it felt like his fingers tightened more in the fabric of his shirt. He absently stroked Loki’s shoulder, doing his best not to show how the whole exchange affected him.

“Now, boys,” he offered with a forced grin, “there’s more than enough of me for both of you; no need to fight.”

“Not when the winner is obvious,” Natasha quipped in, and both Steve and Bruce snorted. “Don’t look so proud, Barton; I’m betting on Loki this time.”

And then there was a noise and bickering and Tony stopped paying attention to anything but the feel of Loki’s body next to him.

So his crush was as ridiculous as it was obvious; he didn’t mind, really. He was content with having Loki as a friend – it meant there was less chances for him to fuck up, and he was grateful for it, too.

It didn’t mean he was immune to things like… this.

To the smell of Loki’s hair; to the way his fingers trailed up and down on his side; to the rumble of his voice as he snapped teasingly at Clint, and it vibrated in his chest and against Tony.

And most of all – to the simple fact that Loki was comfortable enough in the presence of other Avengers, that they accepted him, and that whatever had happened in the past, it led to this.

They finished well past midnight, and when Tony offered Loki a guest bedroom on his floor, Loki agreed.

It was a testament to all Tony’s composure that his heart didn’t leap straight out of his chest when Loki more or less pulled him into the bed with him.

“Don’t laugh,” he said quietly as they settled comfortably, turning his back to Tony. “I… don’t sleep well in unfamiliar places.”

Tony didn’t laugh. He obediently, if a little hesitantly at first, wrapped his arm – blessedly cast-free – around Loki’s torso and pulled him closer, finally, _finally_ burying his face in the dark, soft hair.

Loki chuckled and clutched the pillow with one hand, and Tony’s arm – with the other.

“You know, I still don’t really know anything about you,” Tony muttered.

“Do you truly need to?” Loki retorted back, stroking his forearm with his fingertips. Tony hummed and smiled against the back of his head.

“Not really,” he agreed. “Just… makes me wonder sometimes.”

“Hmm. There’s not much to know,” Loki shrugged, his eyes sliding close as he sighed. “I’m Loki of… Midgard now, I suppose; I’m a regular mortal now, and I find myself wishing I could fit my past into the years my mortal body would have lived in this world. I provide translations of old Norse texts, as well as several other languages, when asked, for money; and as for my past… I would like to leave it where it should be – in the past,” he said, stifling a yawn.

“I didn’t know you worked,” Tony admitted, feeling surprisingly stupid for not having asked sooner. Loki snorted, but didn’t comment on it – either because it was pointless or because he was already drifting off.

When Tony was reasonably sure that Loki fell asleep, he leaned up on one elbow and reached to tuck a strand of dark hair behind Loki’s ear, once again pressing his nose to the back of his head.

“I don’t want your past,” he whispered so quietly it was barely audible even in the dead of the night. “I want your future.”

Whether Loki heard him or not, Tony couldn’t tell, but the small smile on Loki’s lips was an answer enough on itself.

[ ](http://veronicos.tumblr.com/post/132509460071)

~*~*~

In hindsight, it was only a matter of time before Loki inevitably stumbled into Thor; nobody knew when Thor was returning from Asgard, but everyone started to warm up to Loki, and Loki seemed to delight in other company than Tony for a change as well, so his visits to the tower became more frequent.

Tony was in the middle of teaching him one of the races video games when Thor landed on his launch pad, surrounded by the swirl of light. They both covered their eyes for a few seconds, the game forgotten, and when they could see again, it was to the sight of bewildered, tired, but also strangely satisfied and relieved looking Thor.

“Brother!” he exclaimed; Tony could feel Loki grimace before he could see it, but it didn’t discourage Thor – his face fell a little from whatever look he got from Loki, but his expression quickly changed to determined. “I’m glad to see you here – it saves us both a lot of trouble. Come; I must take you to Asgard.”

“Wait, what?!” Tony blurted out, right as Loki laughed hysterically, shaking his head.

“It would seem that you finally got a sense of humor since the last time we met, Thor,” he spat out. “Now if only you learned the appropriate time to tell your jokes…”

“It is no joke, Loki,” Thor sighed heavily, rubbing at his face. “It took me… more than I thought it would, but I finally made father see how wrong and unjust his judgment was. He agreed that he was too--”

“Don’t,” Loki hissed, suddenly all hidden tension and poison. Tony shuffled away, for once knowing better than interrupt; Loki was glaring daggers at Thor, and the intensity of it made Tony cringe, as if he was the one who angered Loki so. “Don’t you dare speak to me about it – about _anything_ that has something to do with Odin.”

“But—”

“I said no!” This time, Loki yelled, and Tony could see Thor flinch before he caught himself and squared his shoulders, unmovable and stubborn as ever.

“You must know better than anyone that you didn’t deserve it, _brother_!” Thor growled. “And now that _Odin_ admitted he was in the wrong, I won’t let you get away with it just because you’re a stubborn fool!”

“Oh, is it so?” Loki stood up, his hands balled into fists and shaking at his sides. “He may have agreed when it was _you_ doing the speaking; once he sees me, he will remember how he banished me from Asgard, and he will end up thinking of some other way to punish me for disobeying him – which one of us is the fool to think it wouldn’t happen?!”

“I swear on my word,” Thor gritted out. “And my life, that if he goes back on his promise--”

“Oh, he will, and he will find a perfectly reasonable—”

“Tony,” Thor suddenly turned to look at him, grim and frustrated. For some reason, his name shut Loki up immediately; Tony gulped nervously, glancing between the two brothers in his living room. “He might listen to you where he doesn’t care to hear me.”

“No,” Tony said firmly, and Loki’s head snapped up, the bitter look of betrayal and hurt giving way to surprise. “I’m sorry, but I have no say in this; it’s Loki’s life, and he has the right to do with it as he pleases.”

Thor huffed, clearly unsatisfied with his answer, but Loki gave him a brief, hidden smile before his face set back into a dark scowl, and he turned his attention to Thor once again.

“Fine,” he hissed. “Fine, you oaf, I will humor you, if only to prove a point.”

That was enough for Thor’s face to brighten, and they walked out, conversing – probably still arguing – quietly, until Tony couldn’t hear them anymore.

He saw Thor lift Mjollnir and shout at the sky, and then the same ray of light enveloped them both, and they were gone.

~*~*~

The next few hours – the longest in his life – Tony spent in the same spot, unmoving and probably even unblinking, eyes focused on the launch pad.

The helplessness was killing him.

He hated that he couldn’t help; he hated that Thor intruded on Loki’s private life, violently bringing back all the bad memories that Loki tried so hard to keep hidden, and he hated that Loki didn’t even want to try and get his powers back.

But since he couldn’t do anything, he simply sat there and waited for them to return.

(Hopefully both of them).

He already played thousands of scenarios in his head – what if Loki decided to stay in Asgard? What if Loki came back, but decided he wanted something more, something better—

The majority of them he cut off before they could develop fully, because he trusted Loki more than that.

When the Rainbow Bridge opened up on his roof for the third time that day, Tony finally let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, and he sucked in air almost greedily, as if he wasn’t breathing this whole time.

They both were there.

They both were there… and something was wrong, he realized as both Thor and Loki walked inside.

Thor looked… thunderous and furious, to say the least. Loki, on the other hand, looked almost serene – determined, perhaps slightly sad, but overall, much calmer than he was when they left. He gave Tony a small smile and headed for the elevators.

“I will speak to you,” he stated, as if it was an order. “But first, I need some time to collect my thoughts.”

And just like that, he left Tony alone with Thor, who stormed into the kitched and returned back with already half-empty bottle of beer.

“What happened?” Tony asked cautiously, slightly hoarse both from worry and from the day spent in utter silence.

“Father admitted that his sentence was too harsh,” Thor snapped. “And that considering Loki’s demeanor here, he is ready to lift it and grant Loki both his powers and immortality back.” He made a short pause to down the rest of the beer and finished grimly, “Loki refused.”

“What?!”

For all his overactive imagination, this was not a scenario Tony managed to think of, actually, and it made his head spin – again, since it seemed that it was spinning this whole time – in other direction.

“He said he didn’t want anything from Odin, and then asked me if we could go back at last. Mother cried; Father… wasn’t pleased. It was a disaster.”

“Well…” Tony awkwardly cleared his throat and averted his eyes, gnawing on his thumb. “Well. But at least you’re both still here, and both are free, so I guess it could have—”

“My brother is dying, Stark!” Thor bellowed, crushing the bottle in his hand, and all of a sudden, his face crumpled, and he fell onto the couch next to Tony, hunching up. “My brother is dying,” he whispered again, blinking rapidly.

“So are we,” Tony retorted softly and reached to pat his back soothingly, mind still running fast, but starting to slow down. At least this was a… more familiar territory. “Some of us slower – take Steve, Bruce or Nat – and some of us faster; take me, unless I come up with something to fuck up my system and keep it from aging. But it’s a process, Thor. Believe it or not, but I truly hoped that Loki would get his mojo back – it’s who he is, and I don’t like the idea of him giving up any more than you do – but the thing is, he moved on. And the last thing he needs right now is you reminding him of the crisis he has already got over. It’s his decision, Thor, and we have to respect it, whether we like it or not.”

It was dark in the room, the sun having already long since set; the only source of light was the TV screen, where the game they’d been playing with Loki that afternoon was paused. In the bluish light that casted long, dark shadows on them Thor looked like he was the one on the verge of breaking down, and Tony squeezed his shoulder harder in sympathy.

“I know it’s not easy to accept,” he muttered. “But…”

“But I don’t really have a choice,” Thor whispered, his eyes suddenly so much older. “You should… go find him,” he added after a few moments’ silence with a forced and crooked-looking smile on his face. When Tony looked at him with doubt, he shook his head. “I’ll be fine; I just… need some time, as well.”

Tony didn’t believe him for a second, but didn’t press for more, either.

~*~*~

Loki didn’t want to be found, that much was clear, and Tony respected his need for some space; he expected Loki to take longer than one night, though, so when he appeared at his workshop the following morning, it came somewhat of a surprise.

But Loki looked… good. Better than good. Tony smiled weakly, and Loki nodded with an amused smirk of his own.

“Did Thor already tell you?” he wondered, walking further into the room and running his fingers over various things that he considered to be of any interest.

Tony nodded, taking his hands out from the Iron Man’s torso and wiping his hands on the cloth nearby.

“I must admit,” Loki mused, stopping in front of one of the older helmets and trailing his index fingers over its ‘mouth’. “It’s… weird to feel so _free.”_

“Free?” Tony prompted, leaning on the desk; Loki shrugged and forgot about the helmet, focusing instead on the bookshelf.

“Yes. No longer dependent on Odin’s will; I think I have to thank Thor, after all – it seems I needed that encounter to happen to finally set myself free.”

Tony watched him pick some book and open it at the random page, but didn’t interrupt. Loki glanced at him, and it must’ve been his strained imagination with the added bonus of a sleepless night, but for a second he thought Loki looked almost nervous.

“I told him that if I had it in me to accept my punishment, than the least he could do for me, if he ever cared for me at all, was to do the same,” Loki said softly, eyes fixed on some spot in the book, but clearly unseeing. “To stop playing games with me. I’m… tired of them,” the book snapped shut, the sound startling Tony, and Loki grinned as he finally walked closer. “So very tired; this is the first time in who knows how many ages that my life fully belongs to me.”

“That’s… great,” Tony agreed, his breath hitching a little as Loki got closer still.

“You said I was losing myself to live like this,” Loki mused, gently placing his hand on Tony’s chest, a little to the left and below his reactor – so very careful. “It’s not true, however; I’m still myself, perhaps more so than I had ever been before.”

There was nothing, nothing Tony could say to that, so he kept silent, only watching the fire play in Loki’s eyes and a smile curl his lips.

“So,” Loki drawled casually. “I am a mortal in full possession of my life now; I think I have about forty or so years left, considering the average age here, and I don’t want to waste a second of them. I also already got a shovel talk from Pepper, Steve, Jarvis _and_ Colonel Rhodes whom I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting personally yet,” he added, the amusement growing as Tony’s jaw dropped open, and he lifted it with a single finger, running his thumb over Tony’s goatee. “So… what do you say?”

“Are you really asking me to form, like, actual words now?” Tony joked, a little light-headed and high.

“No,” Loki chuckled. “I’m asking you on a date, you fool – I think I’m ready to try going on more than one, too,” he teased, and just as Tony was ready to answer, he suddenly leaned forward and brushed their lips together.

It was sweet, it was tender, it was everything Tony hoped for and held a promise of so much more – he moaned helplessly, and Loki laughed against his lips at the reaction, and it was the best feeling Tony ever knew.

“So long as you don’t expect me to be able to communicate verbally any time soon,” he breathed out, grinning stupidly, “Yeah. Of course I’d go on date with you.”


End file.
